If I Only Knew Then, What I Know Now

Over 20 years ago while sitting at my corporate desk, I had this crazy idea that if I was going to work this hard for them, I might as well work that hard for myself.  I kept thinking, “Julie, how can you even think of this?  You must be off your rocker to consider leaving the reliability of a paycheck and benefits.”  But it was like a lightning bolt from the sky – an intense thought that grabbed hold of this young woman at the exuberant age of 28, and it never let go.

From that day to this, I feel compelled to share with everyone reading these words, that if I had a chance to do it all over again, I wouldn’t change a thing.  It was the right decision, and honestly comes with zero regret.  However, it was not an easy road.  In fact, there was no road at all in my chosen field.  Therefore, I found myself at an instant crossroad before I even took my first step.  Do I move forward into the abyss, not knowing what I am doing, and make a road for others to follow one day?  Or should I turn around and stay in a job that I didn’t care for, with a steady paycheck?  As it turned out, I discovered I am an excellent bulldozer and I paved my way through.

To fulfill your purpose, your calling, it takes great strength and stamina.  More than that, it takes tenacity of the spirit, a positive mindset when you feel like crumbling and crying (yes, it will happen), and the ability to get back up when you were just knocked down.

As a mother, when my daughter was learning to walk and she stumbled and fell, I would encourage her to get right back up immediately, brush herself off, and go on to her next adventure.  Such is life.  Get right back up and no matter what, keep moving forward.  Throughout the years, there have been many times I related myself to the hamster that jumped on the wheel with lots of vigor, but never really ended up anywhere.  Looking back, I actually was going somewhere, but I couldn’t see it at the time.

Here, in a nutshell, I share with you the most important lessons I have learned as a woman, and in building my dream:

1. Don’t ever let anyone tell you that you can’t do it.  You can and will find a way.  People who normally say things like that can be a bit envious of your spirit, or perhaps live with regret themselves.  It’s also possible that they just don’t understand it.
2. If you don’t try, you will always wonder what “could have been.”  Avoid living with regret and guilt by trying your best.  Nothing bad can ever come from trying.
3. When you come to a crossroad in your life, always go with your gut instinct.  Our heads often get in the way of what our gut already knows.  My gut has never lied to me.  Tune into it, listen attentively, and keep moving.  Look how many times it took Thomas Edison to get it right!
4. Stay the course.  So you have stumbled and what you had planned isn’t working.  Assess what went wrong, temporarily step back and ask, ask, and ask again until the answers come.  Sometimes the answers come from an unexpected source.
5. Figure out what makes you different.  What are your special gifts?  Are you using them?  If not, get to it and watch happiness seep in.
6. To thine own self, be true.  Thank you, Mr. Shakespeare.  Speak your mind, communicate openly, and never, ever sell your soul to the dark side.
7. Identify what it is you want to do with your life.  I am an estate professional who specializes in personal property.  Do I just sell people’s stuff?  No, I sell a solution.  Solve their problem, lighten their load, and I can guarantee you a successful outcome.  What you want to do is make a difference and make it count.
8. Follow through with passion and tenacity.  If you have an idea, run with it.  Don’t flop over on the sofa because you don’t know how to get started.  Just take the first step.
9. Be the best at what you do.  If you are going to do something like start a business, or volunteer, or take a new job … do your best.  Mom always said, “If you’re going to plant a tree, plant it straight.”
10. Always look forward and never look back.  Ever notice how some people live in the past and seem to get stuck there?  It’s ok to visit the past and learn from what went wrong, but then turn it into a positive, so it works to your benefit.
11. For every problem you encounter, there is a solution.
12. Always be kind, courteous, and compassionate.  Kindness gets noticed because so few people actually practice it.

© 2012 Julie Hall

Mementos of Killed Marine Sold By Mistake

This was the headline in our local paper a few days ago.  The young widow accidentally sold a suitcase at a yard sale that contained photos and special items that were of her late Marine husband with their children.  I thought to myself, “Oh no … those photos are irreplaceable and probably gone forever.”

The article was a monumental effort across the country to appeal to anyone who might find it, as the buyers at the yard sale told the widow they would probably sell the suitcase at a flea market.  To my knowledge, it has not yet been found.

A couple of things come to mind:

1. We feel for this woman and all she has gone/is going through, and it was most likely a simple oversight that she forgot to open the suitcase prior to selling.  As a professional, I  can honestly say it’s vital to leave no stone unturned.  Whether you are sorting through a loved one’s belongings, or you hire a professional, everything must be gone through with a fine tooth comb.  You never know what you’re going to find.
2. Professionals in my industry already know to sift through everything, but family might be experiencing emotions too strong to deal with it at the moment, feel as if they are in a fog for a while, or can’t quite get themselves to sort through the items in the depth they should — through no fault of their own.  We understand grief and have compassion for our clients.  Sometimes, an objective professional party can help the family through that, and ensure that everything has truly been sorted and gone through, so accidents like this don’t occur.

My heart goes out to this widow and her children, and I sincerely hope that whoever buys the suitcase with the precious photos of the fallen Marine and his children will find a way to get them back to their rightful owner.

© 2011, The Estate Lady

“Mom has a friend…Maybe we’ll use her.”

Margaret called me from a Chicago suburb with a frantic tone in her voice.  “We have all this stuff, and we don’t have a clue how to get rid of it!  It looks like it might be junk, but there are some antiques in here too.  What do we do?  My mom has a friend who is sort of in the business.  She’s dabbled in buying and selling for years.  Maybe I should just hire her.”

Her words hit a nerve!  It’s sort of like saying, “My brother got an A in dissecting, so why not let him do your brain surgery?”

I strongly urged her to hire a professional, and warned her about letting an untrained friend handle something as important as this.  But she decided to go to her friend anyway, a decision that cost her dearly.

A month later, Margaret called me again, in tears. “I’ve made a horrible mistake, and I don’t know how to undo it.  My mom’s friend didn’t know the true value of many of the items in the house and sold them for pennies.  One local dealer contacted me to tell me the estate person charged $75 for a fine antique English Windsor chair that was worth about $800.  An antique needlepoint sampler dated 1854 sold for $10, but should have sold for several hundred.  I am eaten up with misery wondering how many other things got sold for next to nothing.”

Please get the right kind of help!  Unscrupulous professionals come out of the woodwork at a time of crisis.  Amateurs, even though they are friends or golf buddies or play bridge with you, are still amateurs!  It may be costly to hire the right professional, but an amateur is much more “costly” in the end.

© 2010 Julie Hall

Grief Needs a Shoulder to Lean On

Let me offer some compassionate support for those who are going through grief over the loss of a parent.  Having to handle all the details of a funeral and the liquidation of your parents’ estate ranks high on the lists of stressors that can wreak havoc emotionally.

You and your siblings really need a lot of shoulders to lean on during this time.  This is the time to make withdrawals from your emotional bank accounts of close friends.  If you are active in a church or synagogue, let your pastor or rabbi know what you’re going through, and be open to any acts of kindness from your congregation.

Grief can bring with it the symptoms of clinical depression, yet you’ll feel as if you have to be the strong one for the sake of your family.  It’s not a sign of weakness to meet with a counselor and unload what’s happening during this stressful time. 

With nearly every client, I’ve found myself holding the hand of an angry, heartbroken, grieving son or daughter.  Many are in a very vulnerable state, feeling angry and lashing out because of all the decisions that their parents did not take care of while they were alive.  Then their anger turns to guilt because their parents are no longer here, and they feel guilty because they feel angry.

You really do have to be strong and think straight as you go through your parents’ home for the last time, so take advantage of resources — personal and professional — that can help you cope with the sadness and stress.

Keep in mind: you don’t have to go through this alone.  There is reliable and trustworthy help that can make this painful experience go smoothly.

© 2010 Julie Hall

The Art of Procrastination

Why do some procrastinate when dealing with death, caregiving, and other challenging issues?  That is the million-dollar question!

Some of us are exceptionally good at doing things and tending to every imaginable task, like it or not.  Some of us are followers that are very good at taking direction from the doers.  Still, others are extremely skilled at procrastination and avoiding the elephant in the room, even if it must be dealt with.

In my 20 year professional quest for the answer to procrastination, I am reminded of an image we have all seen in old “spaghetti westerns”, the old cowboy pushing and cursing at his stubborn donkey to get up and go!  The same is true for our clients, relatives, and friends.  Never is it more unnerving than when you are trying to settle an estate, handle issues related to an illness or the death of a loved one, and the decision maker is — dare I say it — a procrastinator.

Why do some procrastinate? 

First, they don’t have the ability to, or simply can’t, deal with the issue at hand.  Perhaps it is too emotional, or they are just indecisive people to begin with and tackle all life’s issues in this manner.

Second, they simply don’t want to handle this issue.  Often, but not always, these personality types ill allow people who are doers to come in and take over the reins (literally).  With people like this, I always map out a plan — here’s what happens first, second, etc.  They like to know what is going on, but don’t necessarily desire to be a part of the process.

Third, why deal with it today when I don’t have to?  There’s not much I can say about this type.  I have seen many unexpected deaths in my line of work, and to me, there’s no time like the present.  Why put it off when it has to be done anyway?  Just do it!

There is no known cure for procrastination.  One would think that time and experience would teach people not to put things off.  Since the beginning of time, people have put things off because they didn’t want to think or act.  That’s why so many people perish without having even a basic will, let alone having many other vital issues discussed and planned out. 

Procrastination is a bad word.  Planning, while you are in control and have your say, is a beautiful gift to everyone around you!

“Procrastination is the bad habit of putting off until the day after tomorrow what should have been done the day before yesterday.”  ~~Napoleon Hill

© 2010 Julie Hall

Who is the Estate Lady?

The Estate Lady is a fitting name for my company.  I am the company — a mixture of compassionate advocate, honest rescuer, detailed organizer, wise advisor, certified expert in personal property worth, and observer of human behavior.

I’ve always treasured older adults!  Unfortunately, I’ve witnessed many situations when seniors are blatently taken advantage of, when it comes to both their money and their personal belongings.  That’s why I paired my love of appraising personal property with dismantling households and channeling accumulated life treasures into the most appropriate way to benefit their owners.

It doesn’t take seniors or their children long to discover that I know what I am doing.  My hallmark is trustworthy counsel and behavior in appraising and handling their personal property.  My clients — professionals representing seniors such as attorneys, financial advisors, accountants, and bank trust officers, children of older adults, or seniors themselves — discover that my name and my company have built a reputation of honesty and compassion in providing comprehensive personal property services.  My point of difference in this industry is that I do a total turnkey in personal property appraisal and liquidation, wiht a host of certifications that reinforce a strict code of ethics and knowledge in all my dealings.

My work is physically exhausting and sometimes sad or dangerous when liquidating and conducting estate sales.   It is detailed and precise in appraisal reporting.  But, it is always filled with passion and a sense of purpose in helping older adults.  I see the most remarkable human behavior, and often the worst behavior, in my line of work!

© 2009 Julie Hall