His Outgoing Message Said …

“Hi.  I hope you are going to have a great day.  Sometimes, you’ve just got to go out there, do your best, and grab what you can.  Make the most of your day and make it a great one.”

You may recall last week I wrote about a lovely man who is dying and his energy and attitude were incredible.  He lifted me up with his words and charisma.  Yesterday I called him to reconfirm an appointment to come and look at items he wanted to sell in order to donate the proceeds.  His outgoing message was quoted above.

I thought to myself with so much going wrong these days, here is this one gentleman who probably doesn’t have much time left, and yet he is making a very strong impact on those around him.  Touching them in an incredibly selfless manner.  We don’t see that often, do we?  Not in this me-me-me world.

It is difficult for us to reach deep down and pull up all the good that is within us, especially in the midst of the many challenges we face today.  But if this one man can project beauty and goodness in his darkest days, we can too.

So I will add only one thing to his outgoing message:  Smile a lot today, especially to those you don’t know.  You never know what challenges they are facing.

We’re Celebrating Today!!!

Today, you are reading my 100^th blog!

100 messages of help and hope!

100 times The Estate Lady has tackled topics of timely thought!

Today, I celebrate all of you who “get it”!

To all of you who “get it”, I thank YOU!  Not just because you make my job easier, but because you will go forward, share what you have learned from my blog and thoughts, my books and random opinions, and you will teach others how to finally “get it.”  Eventually, the truth always sinks in.  For some it takes a very long time.  For others, it never happens and they will sadly perish before putting a little forethought into planning for loved ones when they are infirm or gone.  Still, there are others who get it from the word “go” and realize that planning takes away a great worry, maps out a plan and offers guidance to those left behind to pick up the pieces.  It’s about loving someone enough to do what is right, what is good, and what makes for old-fashioned common sense.

Gone are the days when you can scribble a will out on a piece of college-ruled paper.  Its validity will be challenged along with your scruples.  We live in a complex time: politically, socially, legally, etc.  Don’t get me started!  Our elderly loved ones lived during a time when life was less complex, though none the less challenging.  They too had many hardships in their lives.  Just because they are the silent generation doesn’t mean you have to be.

Have that courageous conversation!  Ask them the difficult questions and expect answers.  Ask what they want for their future, what their final wishes are, ask more about your family history.  Just come from a place of love and understanding.  Don’t be afraid to hurt their feelings.  They might have some age on them, but they survived two World Wars, the Depression, and raising you, so we know they don’t spook easily.   Do it now while you still can!

That’s your thought for the day.  We’re going strong after 100 blogs, so I’d love to hear your questions or topics of interest, related to personal property and estates.  Leave a comment below, and your question may be answered in a future blog.

Thanks to all of you who faithfully read and share this blog!!

© 2011, The Estate Lady

A Change in Your Health Can Mean a Change in Your Will

An estimated 50% of us have a will or trust!  This is not good news!

Most people have not yet comprehended (or accepted) that dying without a will is a very costly mistake that will negatively impact all you leave behind.  It’s not just about the hassles and frustrations your heirs will go through potentially for years, but the expenses involved.  Ultimately, the state you live in will make decisions regarding your estate that will not distribute it the way you would have chosen.  In a nutshell, get it done now and leave a legacy of respect, instead of resentment.

For those who do have a will, it is important to consider any changes in mental and physical health, as these could greatly impact the outcome of someone’s wishes.  For example, let’s say mom’s healthcare power of attorney states that dad makes all decisions for mom in the event she is incapacitated, vegetative state, etc.  Suddenly dad is exhibiting odd behavior and is diagnosed with Alzheimer’s, which is progressing rapidly.  Can he now make sound decisions for mom?  Orgen, mom may not think about these details and this is the time for the children to talk with her about it.

So many Boomer children don’t know how to talk with their parents about these delicate issues, so permit me to offer some very sound advice.  It has to be done; it has to be discussed, as painful as it is.  If left “under the carpet,” no answers will be available to you should they become infirm or die.  Get the answers now, and do so with love and compassion.

Here’s one example: “Mom, we were thinking about yours and dad’s situation.  Now that dad is showing a decline in health, new decisions have to be made and documented so your wishes are fulfilled the way you would like them to be.  Dad is no longer capable of understanding complex issues, and you will need to choose a new healthcare power of attorney, so we can ensure the correct decisions will be made.  Can you please give this some thought?  Can we make an appointment with your attorney to have this changed soon?

This one example really gets you thinking.  Anytime there is a significant change in your life or a parent’s life, consider discussing ith an elder law or estate planning attorney.  Being proactive isn’t always easy or pleasant, but it can head off gut-wrenching issues that will occur at some point, especially if you have elderly loved ones.  Making sound decisions in the midst of crisis is not the optimal time to think clearly. 

Lead with love, and start communicating while you can!

© 2011 Julie Hall

Tonight: “Top 10 Tips for Dealing with Your Parents’ Personal Property”

Join me tonight at 7 pm!  I’ll be discussing the top 10 ways you can help your parents before a mental or physical crisis occurs. 

With the holidays coming close, this is a perfect time to discuss important issues with your family, especially your parents.   More important than deciding which side dishes to serve for Thanksgiving, this is information that will be most valuable to your family!

Join me for this FREE teleseminar on Tuesday, Nov 16 from 7-8 pm. I’m joining Anne Holmes of the National Association of Baby Boomer Women. Julie Hall Teleseminar link  I’ll be taking questions too, so please call in and ask me your question.

After the seminar has concluded, I’ll post my top 10 list right here  for you to download and share.

© 2010 Julie Hall

Teleseminar “Top 10 List for Dealing with Your Parents’ Personal Property”

This Tuesday night at 7 pm, I’ll be discussing the important “conversation” that Boomers need to have with their parents. With the holidays coming close, this is a perfect time to discuss important issues with our family, especially our parents. Join me for this free teleseminar on Tuesday, Nov 16 at 7 pm. I’m joining Anne Holmes of the National Association of Baby Boomer Women. Julie Hall Teleseminar link

After the seminar has concluded, I’ll post my top 10 list right here,  for you to download and share.

© 2010 Julie Hall

6 Practical Ways to Help Your Parents This Fall

Now that the weather is cooling and the leaves are ready to fall, here are 6 practical ways that you can assist your elderly parents.

1. Help your parents protect all their assets.  Know all the professionals they work with, i.e. CPA, financial planner, attorney, etc.
2. Know the location of all their important documents.  If the documents are in a locked cabinet or fireproof storage, know where the keys are kept.
3. Have the important conversations with them about their wishes for the future, who will be their executor, healthcare power of attorney, and discuss distribution of the heirlooms and personal property.
4. You can’t take it with you!  If they are able, suggest to your parents that they write a master list of who should get what, and give the document to the executor.  Or, they can ask each child what they would like to have, and put that on a “wish list”.  A document cuts down on the “he said-she said” that often goes on when settling an estate.
5. Start de-cluttering and thinning out your parents’ home now.  Often children are overwhelmed by the amount of “stuff” in their Depression Era parents’ home.  This is a good way to begin the process of cleaning out, so you won’t have to do it all at once later.  Make sure you have their permission.
6. Always come from a place of love.  You will have several difficult conversations and awkward moments when asking your parents these questions.  Always approach them with love.  For example, “Mom, we are very worried about you and would like to have a talk about what you would like for your future.  Sue and I would like to honor your wishes, but first, we need to know what those wishes are.”

For more practical tips and compassionate advice, read my best-selling book, The Boomer Burden: Dealing with Your Parents’ Lifetime Accumulation of Stuff.  Check the right side of my blog for a link to order both my books.

© 2010 Julie Hall

7 Estate Tips for You This Fall

Now that school is back in session and Labor Day is over, it’s time for us all to get back into our routines which we abandoned in the heat of the summer.  Here are 7 tips that I want you to add to your routine this fall and winter.

1. Make sure you and your spouse have a Will/Trust/legal documents.  Better than 50% of us don’t have one, leaving our heirs to fight and ”guess” our wishes and intentions.  Dissolving an estate is not the time for guesswork
2. Make sure someone knows the location of these legal and other important papers, such as life insurance, financial information, as well as computer passwords and keys to safe deposit box.
3. Simplify your estate by starting to get rid of your own stuff now.  Clean out the garage, attic, and closets — we have too much stuff!  By doing this now, your kids won’t be angry with you later for leaving them a big mess.  We  only use the same 20% of what we have anyway … Reduce!
4. If something new comes into the house, two things have to exit, whether it be for charity, selling it, etc.  Avoid the clutter that comes from constant buying.  Think “simple and easy.”
5. Have that courageous conversation with your spouse or children (if they are old enough).  Tell them your wishes for the future, then go the distance and document all this so they have a guidance system when the time comes.
6. Consider gifting heirlooms and other important items while you are still living.  This minimizes future fighting, and you have the joy of seeing the recipient’s face when they receive their gift.
7. Always hire a personal property appraiser for items of value in your own home or your loved one’s estate.  Only then can equitable distribution take place.

Next week, I’ll give you 6 tips for your parents’ estates.

© 2010 Julie Hall

The BEST Way to Preserve Your Family History

Last week, I gave you 5 suggestions for preserving family photographs.  Family history doesn’t have to be just about photos.  It can be your father’s war items that you have displayed in a shadow box, like I saw recently at a friend’s house.  Her father’s Army photo, with his dog tags, and several other mementos looked terrific on the wall, instead of thrown in a box that won’t be seen or admired much.

Perhaps Grandma never finished the quilt she was working on, and all you have are square remnants.  Why not take these to a professional and have the remnants made into pillows for your siblings?  I have even seen these framed.

Of course, I still feel the BEST WAY TO PRESERVE YOUR FAMILY HISTORY is to give your elders the most spectacular gift of all: yourself and some time.  Spend a Sunday every few weeks and make it a point to record or videotape them (with their permission, of course).  Or, just write down everything they say: the funny stories, the family tragedies, etc.  Accumulate this precious information and create your own family memory/history book, based on first hand information.

Remember, one of the biggest regrets I see is when a loved one dies and it’s too late to ask questions.  Find your own unique way to preserve your family history.  Take a little time with a loved one, make their day, and learn about where you came from.

© 2010 Julie Hall

5 Steps to Preserving Your Family History

I feel that many of us in our 40s, 50s, and 60s neglect to ask about our heritage until our loved ones are either infirm or they pass away.  What can we do now to preserve our family’s history and heritage?

1. While your parents are still living, and if you are blessed to still have grandparents living, start asking questions.  Have them share stories and ask to go through photographs so you can play the “name that person” game.  All too often, I see heirs throwing away family photos because they are unidentified.  Make sure you ask your older relatives prior to memory impairment.
2. Choose a small amount of photos that you would like to preserve and have them professionally copied for other siblings/heirs.  This is a lovely and meaningful gift to give.  Some clients have made memory books for each child, complete with the “who’s who.”
3. If there are too many photographs to have reproduced or it is not financially feasible to do so, use your digital camera and photograph each photo.  This can be put on CDs for you and for other family members.  It costs very little and takes up almost no room.
4. Remember if you handle original photos, keep them in acid-free envelopes.  Use a post-it note on the back to identify each subject in the picture, until you can create your own inventory sheet, reproduction photo, or CD.
5. Use this article from Kimberly Powell to help you with proper scanning procedures:  http://genealogy.about.com/cs/digitalphoto/a/digital_photos.htm

Today I’ve discussed photos only, but there are many more ways to preserve your tangible family history.  Do you want to know the #1 BEST idea to presrve family history?  Check back next Monday!

© 2010 Julie Hall

Preserve Your Family History

Today, like any other day, I walked out to my mailbox, and I found an envelope from my elderly father.  I can’t remember receiving much mail from Dad in the past.  It has always been Mom who sent me things.  But it was Dad’s handwriting; I have been worried because he hasn’t been well.  I opened the letter, not knowing quite what to expect.  Much to my surprise, I found the following letter along with a handful of photographs that had been enlarged:

Dear Julie,

I am enclosing several enlargements of old slides I found in the back of the garage.  I thought you and the others that are in the photos should have them — sorry, in some of them you weren’t even born yet.  It is important for you to have these because they show both sides of your family — these are the people you come from.  You should preserve these and show them to your children and grandchildren as your mother and I are doing now.

Love to all, Dad

Dad’s letter made me realize two things. 

First, our older parents do think about these things and do worry that once they are gone, all family lineage will die with them.  In my estate business, I see this all too often.  On the flip side, I see families that preserve almost too much and it becomes information overload for the kids.  Is there a happy medium?  I think there can be.

Second, as a boomer myself, I feel that many of us in our 40s, 50s, and 60s neglect to ask about our heritage until our loved ones are either infirm or they pass away.  I have seen so many of my boomer clients say they “wish they could talk to mom and ask who is this person in the photo.”

So what can be done?  I’ll give you some specific ideas next week!

© 2010 Julie Hall